oh what a night.

Seriously.
first, I got to the sleep clinic and was asked to fill out paperwork for 15 minutes. Then, she sat me in a chair and spent 45 minutes hooking me up like a surround sound system. Im not talking one of those little cheap ones... Im talking big mamma jamma system that could be used during a rock concert. I had wires in my hair, all over my face, my neck, my chest, and my legs... then I got two lovely bands of elastic around my chest. They accented my boobs in a way that was just NOT pretty.

so. After I'm all rock concerted out I get to try on all of the CPAP machine masks. If you have never had the experience of trying to breathe with one on, I highly recommend running away if asked to. It is a weird and scary experience. You feel claustrophobic, even if you have never had a trace of it. you cant breathe, even though the machine is forcing you to... and if you open your mouth, it sucks all the breath right out of you in this horrible way that makes your chest feel like you've been punched.

SO... after scaring the daylights out of me by telling me that if I have too many instances of sleep apnea (not breathing) she will come in to wake me up to wear the mask for the remainder of my stay... she shuts out the lights and tells me to have a good night....

Okay.. so it is 9:30... I am trying not to tangle myself in about 50 wires coming from all over my body... and I begin to wonder... "did I come here for a sleep study... or to be chryogenically frozen?" I also start to wonder what my chattering teeth look like on her little computer screen in the creepy watching me sleep room. What kind of person wants to watch people sleep, snore, and roll around in bed all night.

So... I toss and turn and want to go home for about an hour and a half and finally... blessed sleep comes...
but not for long... literally an hour after I finally fell asleep... she's back... and she is trying to be all cheerful about the fact that I have to put the mask on to sleep because "WOW" it isn't the WORST case of obstructive sleep apnea she's ever seen, but it only took me an hour of restless sleep to hit the number of instances that it takes most people 5 hours to hit... she's also acting like I should be excited about wearing darth vaders death mask. ........ Im not... I take this opportunity to ask her what happens if I can't go back to sleep... ... she tells me I still have to wear the mask... so then Im looking at the clock for the longest three hours of my life while freaking out every time I doze off and my mouth falls open and WHOOSH... feels like when I was 7 and I fell off the monkey bars flat on my back...
but OH... Im suppose to have a restful night's sleep now... are you KIDDING ME????
finally I fall asleep sometime around 4 thinking... an hour and a half left then you can run away...
I wake up at 5:35 with water dripping down my face from the condensation building up in the torture device. ... a drop runs in my eye and I open my mouth to gasp and WHOOSH.. there it is again...
I sat up... ripped the thing off my face and tossed it to the foot of the bed... I unplugged my monitor which made HER come in again... all perky and peppy and really .. I wanted to shove cotten up her nose for some reason... sadistic woman...
I informed her that it was now past 5:30, I needed to go to the bathroom, and I was not going to be able to go to sleep again.. could I please go home.... .
I had to fill out paperwork in my sleep deprived and weirded out mood. It actually had the nerve to ask me all hopefull like if last night's sleep was better than what I get at home.... what kind of freak world would I have to live in at home for that to be BETTER???
I have an uncomfortable bed and pillow... two kids... a husband who is no quiet little chipmunk in the bed next to me... and all I could THINK about was how I WISHED I were home in MY loud, uncomfortable bed.

SO yeah... severe obstructive sleep apnea diagnosis to help with getting the lap band....... check

if avoiding that place isnt a motivator to get the weight off any way possible.... I dont know what is